Has this ever happened to you? You’re at a party or game night, looking to meet other singles. You find someone who’s kind of cute. You make eye contact, you start talking a bit, and things go well. Then come the dreaded words: “my boyfriend” or “my girlfriend.” Maybe you look down and see the ring. A feeling of disappointment washes over you like a waterfall. In that moment, you can react in different ways.
You keep talking anyway, just to kill time. Or you alternate between listening and looking around the room. Or worse, you decide they aren’t worth any more of your time. Then you muster enough politeness to end the conversation a bit abruptly and don’t even get within 10 feet of them the rest of the night. I admit to doing this last one in the past. The pain of connecting with someone who’s taken is tough, especially when you’ve been looking for weeks, months, or years.
Let’s face it. We’ve all met friendly people who are securely involved with another person. Sometimes they seem more interested in you than the eligible singles. When this happens, the way to react is not to stop caring about the person and write them off. Instead, your best bet is being polite, asking a few questions, and showing interest in them as a person (and not as a date). Here’s why:
How you stand to benefit
For starters, they’re a person, created in the image of God. As believers, we need to care about everyone we meet all the time. Every interaction–even the most mundane or the ones where we don’t stand to benefit dating-wise–is a chance for us to shine the light of Christ into another person’s life. Of all the things you say (and do) every day, you never know which will stick and with whom. In other words, that little off-handed remark which you thought nothing of, or that laugh at a joke, might really encourage someone. This includes that taken person you met at the party. Remember that saying, “Everyone has a struggle you know nothing about”? You may end up helping that person in that very struggle without even knowing it.
The next reason is more practical. That taken man or woman might have a significant other who’d end up being your good friend. Or maybe they know of a job opening. Maybe they’d be willing to go running with you at 6 am when all your other single friends would rather sleep. People with significant others need same-sex friends too, and sometimes more so than single people. If you think about it, dating involves spending a lot of time with that person, and so sometimes same-sex friendships can be put on the back burner.
Beyond that, the person you may be tempted to ignore could know another single person. If you’re rude to them, they likely won’t feel any interest in trying to help you find someone. Not that it’s everyone’s job to help us in this, but you get the point.
You might be reading this and thinking that these are all potential benefits and not definite ones. How does this help in the here and now?
Reputation
A good reputation really does go a long way.
Here’s one way you’re sure to benefit. I’ve observed over the years that people remember things about me far back in time that I’d completely forgotten about. What does this speak to? Hopefully those are good things they remember. People tend to remember stuff like your attitude or whether you were respectful to them, or conversely, if you interrupted them or made things awkward. These types of memories–good or bad–actually contribute to how others see us (in other words, our reputation). And just in case the r-word doesn’t seem like a big deal? A good reputation really does go a long way. Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.” Your goal in life is not just to find a spouse, but to be a person with the aroma of Christ in your actions (see 2 Cor. 2:14-15). Plus, don’t you want to be known as more than just THAT person who is looking for someone? You have talents, passions, and perspectives all your own. Such as running at 6 am. Or sewing. Or underwater basket weaving. The best part about a good reputation is that you can benefit from it later on in some other circumstance. If you’re ever accused of something, your good reputation will help you clear your name.
So if you act rude towards that taken person or just ignore them altogether, what kind of reputation will you have? You may not be going to any more game nights if you keep it up. But that’s stating things in the negative. Putting a positive spin on that, we’ll say it this way: be kind and respectful to everyone you meet–single or not–and you may just find yourself with the best reputation in town. Even though you leave the game night still single, your reputation will be with you forever.